can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
