Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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