another moral hangover. fuck.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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