glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
