break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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