it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
