Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
