I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
