i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
