dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
