hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
