Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize