forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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