I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So squirting runs in the family.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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