It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
