I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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