i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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