I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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