my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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