so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize