I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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