Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
