go do what you do best...puke behind churches
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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