a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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