new low.... made out with someone while peeing
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
