Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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