Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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