He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize