Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
