I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
