It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
