FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
