Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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