Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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