I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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