I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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