Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
