I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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