watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
