I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize