The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
