One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
