If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
