Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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