He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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