Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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