You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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