If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize