Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
