She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
