I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
