i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
