Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
