The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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