jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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