Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
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