Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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