drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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