Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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