Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
