i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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