That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
