I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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