I am puke
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We are two peas in an std pod
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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