just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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