omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
