I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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