This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
