I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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