Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
