Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
