he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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