Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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