i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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