the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
